11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
