i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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