My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
