If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
