Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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