i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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