I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
