are you still at the devil's house?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
