this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
