I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
