Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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