So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He shit in the fireplace
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
