I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
