Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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