I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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