the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
