i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
