What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
