Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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