she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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