someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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