My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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