i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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