dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
