how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
