she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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