I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
