just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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