I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
