Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
