They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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