STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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