Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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