Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
