i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it's great music for shaving your balls
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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