Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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