She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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