She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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