Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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