that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
