Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
