I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
