she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
