Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
