This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
