Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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