Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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