So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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