so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
