i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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