I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
