i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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