Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize