Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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